Healed Wounds : A Shivika OS

 

Howdy Doody peeps . I am back with another OS on Shivika . I know I have a few other pending but this was was completed first . This one is around 18 years down the lane.
(P.S. It’s really lame and no proof read so read at your own risk. Suggestions and Comments are always welcomed). Happy reading !!!!!
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You are ruining my life!” The yells coming from inside the room of Shivaay and Anika and could be heard by anyone who passes through it. The servants outside of it simple shrug their shoulders at each other, already used with the fights and yells that had been happening for months now.
“Isn’t Samara ever going to give Mom a rest?” Ansh asks his father as both of them walk to the room. They are still on the other side of the hallway but they are already able to hear the yells.
“I don’t think so, beta “Shivaay shakes his head and both son and father laugh together as they approach their destination. They are used with it, mother and daughter to much alike for their own good. It’s difficult to point who is more stubborn.
As the door swings open, both Anika and Samara get silent. It’s difficult to find someone with the courage to interrupt them in the middle of a fight, as it most of times everyone who gets close, gets involved.
“Dad! Why don’t you tell Mom I’m allowed to go to Paris with my friends ?” Samara is fast to try to find some support as she sees who enters the room. She has both of her hands at the sides of her hips and Shivaay has to hold his laugh at how much her anger looks like him.
“Lady SSO”Shivaay mentally smiles thinking of the name Anika had given their daughter a few weeks back.
“Do not get me involved on your discussion, Samara. This is between you and your mother.” For the past few months, Shivaay has got to know better than to get between mother and daughter, as the blame of their discussions has felt in his lap many times even without his involvement. Samara sighs and turns again to her mother, trying to reason with her even knowing there are minimum chances of her winning the discussion.
Samara had always been the most pampered child of the Oberoi’s. She has everyone wrapped around her little fingers starting from her father , Om Chachu and oh not to forget her partner in crime Rudy !!! Her brothers Ansh , Laksh and Vijayan doted on her and her grandparents spoiled her rotten . She was everyone’s favourite and seldom there was a time when Samara Singh Oberoi was refused something . However the one person on whom the puppy face and tactics of Samara won’t work that was her Mother , Anika . Anika knew her daughter very well and since she was spoiled by everyone it was only Anika who ticked her off and kept her on track..
“Mom, you are being completely unfair!” The young girl throws her phone down in frustration and Anika rolls her eyes at her daughter. She gets scared sometimes on how much Samara and Shivaay’s habits match .
“Especially the anger “ Anika thinks
“Samara , this has nothing to be with being fair or unfair. It is not appropriate for you to travel alone with your friends to Paris. That’s it.”
“It’s just Paris, Mom!” Samara almost yells and for a fraction of second Shivaay sees the negative side of their pampering . Perhaps it was not a good to let Samara do whatever she wanted. “And I will be with Ria, she is my friend !”
“As if being with Ria Singhania , the most controversial girl of the year means any kind of reassurance.” Ansh whispers, making his way to the sofa on the side of the room, and Shivaay laughs at the statement. He knows that’s the main reason why Anika worries about Samara with Ria . His daughter’s friends did not have a very good reputation . The media always had a story about Ria Singhania to tell . She had even left behind the Bollywood celebrities in terms of media stories . Of course Samara said it was all rubbish but everyone knew there was no smoke without fire.
“Shut up, Bhai!” Samara yells at her brother and his only answer is to laugh at her.
“Do not speak with your brother like that, Samara .” Anika warns her and with that she gains another roll of eyes.
“I beg your pardon, your Majesty, for speaking badly of your son.” Samara is ironic, her tone of voice challenging her mother and Shivaay knows that this fight won’t end well. Just like the others ever , since Samara got into the company of Ria , the fights are a regular occurrence.
“Don’t start being ironic, Samara. You will get nothing of it.” Anika’s voice is harsh and Ansh quickly looks at his father; he also knows it won’t end well.
“That’s because I never get anything!” Samara yells and Shivaay tries to interfere, but she’s faster. “Ansh bhai gets to do every single thing he wants; Laksh Bhai gets to do everything he wants; so does Vihaan, who is a just 3 years elder to me!”
“Samara,be careful.” Shivaay warns her, but she doesn’t listen to him.
“Everyone does whatever they wish to do I must remain locked inside the house !”
“You do not get to remain locked inside the house ,Samara .You get to travel with me, with your father and with your brothers and your grandparents many times on the year. You are spoiled rotten by everyone.You will not travel with your friends to Paris and I do not want to hear a single thing about this anymore.” Anika sits on the bed, her face serious, her back still and Samara burst in rage.
“Why do you have to be so mean with me? Why do you have to hate me like that?” Samara yells and Anika stands up and answers her in the same tone .
“I do not hate you, Samara! I care about you! Even though you think I’m being mean.” Ansh and Shivaay eye each other deciding silently if they should interfere.
“You hate me.” Samara says with clenched teeth and the words that leave her mouth after that feels like the sharp twist of a blade inside of Anika. “I bet you wish you had lost me while I was still inside of you, just like you lost that baby after Ansh Bhai .”
Anika stumbles on the bed on her daughter’s words, air sucked out of lungs as the words hover in her mind. Ansh knows that things are about to get ugly, he quickly gets up as his father goes in the direction of his sister, that for the look in her eyes, now realizes the mistake she has just committed.
“Samara I want you to leave the room right now !” Shivaay says ,but at that, Samara is already leaving the room and both men turn to look at Anika , with watered eyes on the bed, staring blankly at the wall across the room.
“I will go talk with Samara .” Ansh whispers, knowing his parents need a time alone and his sister some sense in her head.
“You better. She does not need me or your mom doing that right now.” Shivaay whispers it and Ansh walks out of the room, the last scene he sees inside of it is his crying mother in the arms of his father.
~0~
“I absolutely do not need your advices right now.” Her cheeks are red from the cold and her eyes red and swollen from crying. She feels like disappearing from the world, she knows she messed up with her parents, but she really does not need his brother speaking on her ear.
“Yes you need.” Ansh sits by her sister, both of them looking out at the gardens of the Oberoi Mansion.
“Believe me; you would rather listen to my advices right now than anyone’s else.”
“Idiot.” Samara whispers and brother and sister stay silent for a couple of minutes, side by side starring out at the window . Memories of their childhood playing out with their cousins are the first that come into their minds.
“I screwed up everything with Mom, didn’t I?” Samara is the one to break the silence between them and Ansh turns to look at her, directly in her eyes. She might be just like their father , have his hair ,his eyes and his anger, but her nature is the exact copy of their mother’s .
“You have no idea how.” Ansh shakes his head and Samara sighs, turning back to stare at the garden .
“Thank you very much.” She whispers and Ansh laughs.
“I thought you wanted my honest answer, doll.” Anne has to smile as Ansh uses her childhood nickname, the one that he gave her on the first time they met. When he thought that the tiny and bald little baby looked just like a porcelain doll.
“I did not think it would hurt so much to hear. The truth, I mean.”
“Neither Mom thought it would, I guess.” Ansh whispers, starring out of the window and Samara quickly looks up at him. He looks just like their mother , with the exception of his protective streak of protecting his family, of course just like their father and she remembers when their parents would say they were a perfect blend of them both.
“What do you mean, Bhai ?” The older brother takes a deep breath and stares at his sister, knowing that perhaps it was time for her to know.
“Well, you know mom lost a baby a few years after I was born right?” Ansh says and Samara nods at him.
“Three years after you were born.” This time Ansh nods and continues with his story.
“Yes. Then it took them five years to have you, right?”
“Right, Bhai and I know how to count, alright?” Samara rolls her eyes and Ansh smiles. “Keep going.”
“Well, what you don’t know, is that mom lost two babies before having you, Samara . Two.” The silence is heavy between them as Samara stares at her brother, now knowing what say, not knowing what to do. She had really screwed up, that’s all she could think.
“Why didn’t I know that?” Her voice is a mere whisper and Ansh is quickly in grabbing his sister’s hand, caressing it.
“Because mom and dad never talk about that.” Ansh lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and Samara’s green eyes keep penetrating in his, paying attention. “Dadi was the one who told me, when I was nine, after I overheard a conversation between her and Badi Dadi. She made me promise not to tell anyone that I knew, especially Mom and Dad.”
“It still hurts them.” Samara whispers, looking down at their intertwined hands and Ansh nods.
“Of course it does. I mean, they love us to death but don’t you think losing a child even before it’s born is a great loss?” Samara nods and Ansh brings her to his chest, kissing her head
“After mom suffered her second miscarriage she would stay really sad and not talk to anyone . She didn’t eat and it was only Dad who could make her eat . I remember seeing her cry while hugging Gauri Chachi once .” Samara nods into him and he continues.
“They think I don’t remember, or never put the pieces together, but I did. “
“Two years later Mom was so scared when she find out she was pregnant of you, Dad too. I think he knew that if the pregnancy went wrong again, he would not lose just the baby, but Mom too. They were extra carefully on your time. Mother was on bed rest most of the time but still you were born premature.”
“A doll” Samara says, laughing, and Ansh nods.
“Yes, a little doll . You were so tiny, that they did not allow me , Laksh and Vihaan to hold you . I think Mom was honestly afraid you were going to break.” Samara laughs and moves to look at her brother. “You were their miracle, Samara .” Ansh smiles brighter and Samara shakes her head lightly, scared of how Ansh’s smile looks just like their Mom. “And that is why everyone is so protective of you and spoils you rotten.
Their conversation is interrupted by Laksh and Vihaan barging into the room.
“Secret planning without us”Vihaan accuses them.
“Have you been crying doll?”asks Laksh looking at Samara
“ She had a huge fight with Mom”explains Ansh
She won’t cry after that “Vihaan says
“ What is it Samara ?”Asks Laksh
“ I just found out about Mom’s two miscarriages before me” said Samara teary eyed .
“Oh that , yeah that was a tough time for them” says Laksh remembering .
“ I can’t say I remember everything for I was very young but seeing Badi Mom sad was really bad”says Vihaan .
“ Hmm but even in her sorrow she didn’t forget us . I mean remember she and bade Papa use to play with us everyday.”says Laksh.
“I have to go talk with Mama and Papa, guys, I will see peeps later.”says Samara
The boys nodded.
“Good luck Doll”says Ansh
“Now can you two please suggest me a way to convince Meghana not to break up with me ?” asks Laksh whining.
“Okay Okay don’t whine “says Ansh while Vihaan rolls his eyes.
~0~
He holds her for minutes, caressing her long hair and whispering in her ear that everything was going to be alright. He can feel her twisting his shirt in her hand and he curses the pain she feels. He feels it too. For the children they might have had and for the way their daughter spoke.
“I could never hate her.” She sobs and Shivaay is able to lead her to the sofa near the fire, her head still in his chest.
“I know that, Anika . And she does too, believe me. What she said it was out of rage.” Wounds of past have just been opened again and if he still hurts, he cannot imagine how Anika does.
“How could she misunderstand my protection by hate?” She shifts so she can look into his eyes and he extends his arm to wipe a tear in her cheek. “I know that We overprotective with her, more than with any of other children, but we can’t help it.” She sighs and Shivaay grabs her hand. “She will always be that fragile little girl that got out of me so tiny that I thought she would break.”
“I didn’t even want to pick her up, afraid I could hurt her.” He caresses her hands as he remembers that moment sixteen years in the past, he had never seen a tinier baby in his life and for a moment he thought he wasn’t going to be able to take good care of her.
“I never, ever, in any of our endless fights regretted having her.” Anika whispers and Shivaay kisses her head. “She’s our little miracle, Shivaay . I prayed so hard for her safety, for her health.”
“You don’t have to explain yourself,Anika. I, better than anyone, know what you have been through to have that girl and how both of us have protected her for her whole life. ”
“She is just like you Shivaay in every possible way “says Anika shaking her head
“ I know , especially the anger part “ says Shivaay sheepishly.
“Lady SSO”
And they both end up laughing.
“I was hoping I could speak with you. Both of you.” Samara takes a deep breath. “Even though you might want to lock me in the store or throw in the pool .” Samara ‘s voice is a whisper and both Anika and Shivaay let out a little laugh. They are all hurting, but Samara is still able to make fun between it. It’s one of the endless things they adore in their daughter.
“We would never do that, Samara . You know that” Shivaay shakes his head and pats the newly opened space between Anika and him for her to sit.
“Your father would never do that to his children. He only throws his wife in the pool.” Anika says and Shivaay laughs, shaking his head.
“’Yeah we all are well aware with your obsession with water and your pool encounters “says Samara switching her head between her parents and three of them smile .
“Now, what did you want to speak with Anika and me?”asks Shivaay
“I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.” Samara says to both of them, but her eyes remain in her Mom . “I’m terribly sorry about that. I know that you don’t hate me.”
“I could never hate you, Samara . You are my daughter.” Anika’s eyes are watered again and Samara feels like crying too. Despite all fights she gets into with her mother, she would never intend to make her cry. “We may fight; we may disagree in many, many things, but I would never hate you. And more important, I would never resent having you; I would never wish you weren’t born.”
“I know that.” Samara quickly wraps her arms around her mother’s waist and Anika can feel the tears falling from her daughter’s eyes. “I’m truly sorry,Mom, truly.” The small word that leaves her daughter’s mouth, that for a long time she hasn’t heard coming out from her daughter, brings Anika to tears.
“I know that you are, darling. I know that.” Anika kisses Samara’s head and the girl embraces turns tighter on her mother’s waist.
“I was so mean to you. I didn’t think on how much I was going to hurt you. If I could take it all back, I would.” Samara then leaves her mother’s embrace and stares deep into her eyes. “Ansh Bhai told me everything. I had no idea on how much I was going to hurt you with those words.”
“Ansh?” Shivaay is the one to ask as Anika’s mouth stays open but without any sound coming from it.
“Dadi told him. That you lost two more babies before having me.” Samara ‘svoice is a whisper as Anika smiles, a sad smile, and caressesing her daughter’s hair. “I should never have spoken to you like that. I’m really sorry.”
“I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant of you,.” Anika whispers and Samara looks down at her hands, playing with one of the embroideries of her skirt. “I don’t think I would have endured losing you too. And when I first held you in my arms, so tiny, so fragile, it was as if all had made sense.” There are tears falling from Anika’s eyes by now, and her daughter’s arms quickly wrap around her neck. “It made everything right. I had you and then our family was complete.”
“I love you,Mom.” Samara whispers in Anika’s ear and there are tears even in Shivaay’s ‘ eyes now.
“I love you too, Samara . Don’t you ever doubt of it.”. says Anika
“ What about me ? “Asks Shivaay cocking an eyebrow .
“Yeah you too”says Anika smiling even though she was still crying .
“ And I love you both “says Shivaay joining the hug…..

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